1 Month Down, 3 More to Go

A month into Carl's deployment and I finally got some much needed me time. Yesterday Carl's aunt watched the boys while I got my hair done and then a friend picked them up and kept them overnight so I could go to my brother in law's wedding reception. And although this is not my first time away from the boys I was much more emotional and started crying this morning while I was waiting for them to come home.

Perhaps it's because this deployment is vastly different from the last. Last time around I was pregnant with Nathan, and although still dealing with morning/all day sickness, I only had to take care of one child. Fortunately I was on leave from work for the majority of the deployment so I didn't have to worry about working full time and taking care of J. And I was very fortunate that Lalla & Richard were able to keep J every weekend to give me a break.

Timing wise this deployment worked in our favor since Carlene has moved in, so at least I'm not alone. But, this time around I'm working full time and taking care of 2 boys. And since Ariana's arrival I've lost my designated baby sitter(s). Add on top of that not being able to drive and it makes for a less than ideal situation; one that's actually become quite stressful. Of course my family, friends and co-workers have really stepped up to the plate, offering rides to and from work, to dr's appointments and running errands. But I feel like such a burden. And even though I got some alone time this weekend, not being able to drive made it a logistical nightmare.

So 1 month down, 3 more to go (that's assuming Carl's deployment isn't extended).

2 More Weeks

and then I think I'm calling it quits on pumping. Most days I only get about 1 oz per session. On a good day I'll get 4 ozs per session, but that's with me massaging my breasts, going back and forth between the expression and let down phases AND leaning over to let gravity do its work. Today I only got 1 oz and that was from two 20 minute sessions. Are you kidding me, what the heck is going on with my supply?!?!

Maybe it has something to do with the time I forgot to pack valves, membranes and shields; or the next day when I had meetings and presentations offsite but left my pump at Headquarters; or was it the day that I packed valves and membranes but forgot shields? That being said, I was still able to manually express, which honestly seems to be more efficient than using my pump anyway. Maybe if I pump more than 2 times a day, resume taking Fenugreek supplements and drinking Mother's Milk Tea my supply would increase.

With cold and flu season just around the corner I'm sure any amount of breast milk would be good for Nathan. But is 2 ozs daily enough; is it even worth it? This is where I'm torn and feel guilty about quitting. Although I'd still nurse when I get home from work and when/if he wakes at night.

But let me know your thoughts. If you breastfed and pumped, when did you know it was time to stop nursing?

Back to work

The last 12 weeks have just flown by. Today was my first day back at work and it was tough. I got teary eyed as I was getting ready for work this morning. Both J and Nathan were asleep when I left and I didn't want to wake them so I didn't really get to say goodbye. Of course I had to see them before I left so I tiptoed into J's room and gave him a light pat on his back. Nathan was in the swing in our room so I gave him a kiss on his cheek and he smiled, which made it even harder to leave.

I was actually doing okay until Carlene sent me a message saying that J was missing his mommy. He was very whiny and walking around in circles saying mommy and that made me cry. Nathan didn't seem to notice that mommy was gone and had no problems taking the bottle. In fact he drank 3 bottles; no wonder he's as big as he is, greedy little boy, lol.

When I got home I gave J a huge hug but Nathan was asleep. I finished feeding J his dinner and we played around for a bit before heading upstairs for story time, Elmo and eventually bed. Nathan finally woke up so we had some quality time while I nursed him.

Back to Work

Sadly I returned to work Monday. It would've been nice to stay home with Justin longer but after 6 months off of work it just wasn't possible financially. Honestly it really wouldn't make a difference staying home longer because it would be hard no matter when I returned. Fortunately my boss has been very flexible and is allowing me to work at home the second half of the week. And since I live so close to work those days I'm in the office I'm able to come home during lunch and get a quick Justin fix.